Early morning epiphany.

I walk down the long hallway taking small steps, turning my head left and right to look out for anyone I knew. As I proceed further, I begin to walk past small rooms until I reach two rooms opposite each other, both with familiar faces. On my right, he sits there with his head bowed, his body hunched over as if he was being tortured. He was surrounded by three other girls and could not see me but the way his muscles bulged in pain from nothing frightened me. I turned my head quickly to the left and found you staring at me, your normally calm beaming face was clouded with worry. I panicked and ran down the hallway before he saw me or you could say anything.
It was dark outside and I hugged myself, walking nervously as a million thoughts run through my mind. I reach a nearby building, and sit myself down on the steps. I clutch my arms, remembering the looks on both their faces, my head replaying the scene over and over again.
What did I do?, I think to myself. The image of a book conjures up in my head and for a minute, my whole body feels like it has been glued to that spot as a wave of shock runs through my entire being. The book, oh shit, THE BOOK.
I stood nervously next to the two rooms, he had left his room and so had you. Sounds of heavy, quick footsteps approach me from behind, getting louder by the second, and he appears storming down the corridor in anger and glares at me with such rage that those who were behind him dared not touch him to calm him down. He thrusts the open book roughly into my hands, "so its true isn't it? You never loved me, it was all a huge lie!" The tone of his voice so accusive that it left me lost. I could feel you standing behind me as I faced him but you were in no position to help me. This wasn't your battle and I could not let you interfere. You knew that as well as I did.

I stood at the end of the hallway, the book in my hands, contemplating my next move. I knew I had to tell him the truth tonight or this would never stop. I garnered whatever was left of my courage and strength and walked down the corridor for the umpteenth time that night. As I past, eyes turned towards me and quiet voices could be heard discussing what was about to happen like I was about to hear the jury's decision on my sentence. I passed a room full of his friends and I glanced briefly, meeting eyes full of contempt. He sat alone, hunched over, calmed but as he noticed me approaching, he looked up and I could see the sorrow and pain in his eyes.
I opened the book that I had not touched for so long pointing at the words, "It isn't a lie," I say in exasperation, "I changed the names and figures so that no one but me would know. I altered them that way so that only I knew the truth. Look here," I sat myself beside him and showed him the torn pages, "I tore that out so nobody would realise. I made it sound like I hated you but that was a lie. I loved you, please believe me." He takes the book from my hands and looks sceptically at it. At first, he does not see, but his face and body softens as he realises I wrote in my own way so no one would figure out what I really meant. He gazes at me apologetically and puts his arm around me, pulling me closer.
I realise you were the only one watching the both of us and I turned my head to look at you. You stood there trying to hide the expression on your face but I could see the sadness and worry in your eyes. We watched each other in silence, eye to eye. And in that moment, I realised what I did not before.

I don't really understand, but then again, who does.

<3