Solitude.

Less than one month away,

Slightly more than 31 days,

Three months to the end of another year,

Five to another chapter,

Less than one to the end of one.

I gotta admit,

I'm getting scared,

Cause the one thing thats subtly eluded me all this while,

Is finally side by side in the race with me.

And now that it finally is,

I'm not really sure anymore.

Photograph note: a tad too bright I know.

<3>

Take me to the sky.

I have this feeling,

That we were meant to meet,

After 15years,

I could have met you before,

Yet here we are,

Circumstances witholding,

From falling to fallen.

And so I have this feeling,

Perhaps the time is not now,

For would it make sense,

To say we met,

For something more to happen later?

But its only a feeling,

And years ahead of us,

Maybe I did meet you for a reason,

He knows,

And only time will tell.

<3>

The half twin.

We know you love your present. You better take good care of it!

Sorry because I'm currently stressed out and I cant write a deep birthday post for you. Next year kay? =D

Please stop being so busy that despite the fact I'm your closest family member in proximity, I don't even know if you're alive sometimes. haha but of course, next year will be totally different and we'd probably get sick of each other so maybe its a good thing for now.

Btw, we're celebrating your bday next year indoors okay! seriously, its always so freaking windy on your birthday!

My brain's really whacked out so really sorry for the lack of words this time, but know that you're always gonna be my half twin that looks very much like me which can get depressing at times. =P

Okay, that wasnt really what I was gonna say, but yea, =D.

Love you jeh!!!

Happy 20th year! =)

*edited*

I just got this email from my mum and I never knew about this but apparently, Kelly loveD me so much! LOL I cannot stop laughing =P I know jeh, you might kill me for this, but oh wells, too late. hehehehe

"The one who walks into walls….conk!...had fears about you…after Kim made you fall off the bed….huge size of rock above your eyes….tsk tsk tsk…kim……remembered how Kelly used to hover over Kelsey when she was born….kelly lurved being the big sister for a change….always wanting to fetch diapers, wipe Kelsey’s drool, shouted to all and sundry that Kels was awake from her nap (sometimes I wondered if Kels was really awake yet, but it made Kelly feel good to say I was the first one to spot her awake LOL cos Kelly would creep up to the cot to see if Kels was moving) Kelly would poke her stubby little finger at Kels….LOL…like Kels is in a dog cage, to see if Kels would catch her finger or put in the mouth (no H1N1 yet ma….LOL), If Kels cry, Kelly would scramble up the large bed and try to put hand thru and pat Kels on the back and croon…is ok…is okkkkk…cheh-cheh is here..mummy coming…. HUH…"

HAHAHA I didnt know you used to do that! Mum never told me all these details although of course, we have that photo of you trying to teach me how to count 1,2,3 when I was like 6 months? heh, how was I supposed to learn how to count.

Hahaha, awwwww. I'm so sorry but I was too young to remember that. Anyway, wonder what happened. =P

<3>

Somewhere between unsure and a hundred.

So maybe you should know,
That I wish it wasnt you yet I'm happy it is,
But its not simply about distance,
There's much more to it,
And I know,
That it hinders everything from going further,
Except of course, its not like you feel likewise,
But I wouldn't want to come between,
I never want to have to choose,
I'd never make them choose,
But you should know,
I have no control,
Yet I'm falling,
And its you.

Oh, and the problem? Its gonna be a while to make the transition from falling to fallen. Like, a long long long while.Or maybe not at all.

<3

And Jordan makes 4.

Ten years ago, I trot into my house still in that dark blue dress uniform and placed my school bag down. Dad who had fetched me from school, told me and my two sisters to head up to my parents' room upstairs for a bit. We walked up, thinking that he was just bringing us to see mummy who had been sick the whole week. Mum was sitting there, waiting for us. We sat on the bed, clueless as to why our parents were looking at us with serious faces, glancing at each other as to whether or not we were in trouble and who forgot to cover up.


Mum then asked, "Which one of you prayed for a baby?"

Immediately Kim looked up, "I did.." she said in a small voice.



Mum and dad looked at each other and smiled, "I'm pregnant", mum said. We gasped in joy and were so shocked that we didn't know what to do. Mum and dad sat between us and asked us to hold hands and dad started praying. Being the youngest, I peeked during the prayer and saw tears flowing down kim's face. Inside, I beamed thinking of the one hundred and one things I could do with my new baby sister or brother, believing that you would be like a doll to me.


When mum was pregnant, she'd tell me to sing songs or read to her tummy cause then when you were born, you'd be able to recognise my voice. Of course I was only 8 so I did just that. We didn't get to find out whether you'd turn out to be a boy or girl so we took bets. If you were a girl, dad and kelly would have to wipe the dishes for a week. If you were a boy, me and kim would do it. I wanted a younger sister cause I thought of all the things I could do with my younger sister tailing behind me. You were my hope of a playmate.

When you were born, I wasnt allowed to hold you until you were about 6months and I remember the first time I held you was just before your baptism. We were waiting in the porch, and I was finally able to carry you without help. There's even a picture of it somewhere at home. Whilst I was still in stadard2 and in afternoon session, I'd go to your room everyday after lunch, just before going to school to watch you while you were sleeping. Or if you were awake, I'd play with you although you were stuck in the cot and I wasnt allowed to take you out due to *cough* an incident that happened between kim and kelly before I was born *cough* =P. You were the cutest and we all wished you stayed that small, but oh no, you grew up! lol


I still remember that time in Phuket where we lost you in everyone was scampering around trying to find you, and I was having my stupid tatoo done so I couldnt do anything. I felt so bad that time but thank God for angels. =)

And remember just 3 years ago when you went to hospital? Till this day, we dont know what you had, but knowing that you dont look the way you did then is enough assurance. Besides, being skinny is in the genes.


My dearest brother, you are 10 years old today. My, my, how time practically fastforwards! One second you're small enough to fit in my arms, the next you're the same shoe size as me! wth wth. (lol that sounded a bit too motherly ><)

You were so adorable 6-7 years ago! Now, you're like this attention seeking monster that is the source of the bickering and shouting during dinner. =P But we still love you, you know that. =)




There was this period of time, where I didnt like you because I was a kid, and well, I became jealous that you 'took over' my position of being the youngest. Whenever I fought with you or you made me angry, I'd run away in anger and cry alone, wondering why I ever thought you'd be a nice addition to the family. Mum said that the first day I went to see you in the hospital after you were born, I had sobbed so hard and refused to go into the room to see her. Apparently I couldnt come to terms that I wasnt the youngest anymore and some psychological effect had overcome me. Till this day, I do not remember that.


But I hope you will always remember this, from the day that we all found out you were in mum's womb till this day, You are our family's miracle. =)



And perhaps someday you will read this and thank me for what a sweet sister I am. But while you are still shorter than me, the photo above will best do for you ;P Its a good picture to bribe you with next time when I decide I dont agree to your girlfriends. haha what are sisters for? ;)



Happy Birthday Jordie!



Be good and kick ass in that whatever year6 exam it is that you have! Puhleeze do NOT get worse marks for english and maths anymore. Hee, its gonna be fun watching you grow up. ;D

Though without us, but I'm sure you're liking it. Oh and btw, when I get back, the wii is MINE! Just to let you know in advance =D



P.S. : Mum, you should show this to your beloved son over the weekend though I doubt he understands nor appreciates half of what I said.

P.P.S. : The real whole stories are way longer so if you want to know, you can ask in person. =)



<3

On and On.

So I just finished two sacs today. Was so burdened by it that I studied the entire day away yesterday and not-on-purpose, abandoned by laptop for like 41hours. haha so proud of myself. =P

No more sacs for international studies =D Just triple the sacs and an essay for practice exams now. NICE. *rolls eyes*

^^^^^
Red stands for school days till English Exam.
Green for school days as a year12 remaining.
Blue for school days till I finish VCE.

Uni choices interview with the careers teacher on thursday, cant wait. Time to put preferences and we get to do ours online.

Three weeks left till the end of term. I manage to squeeze in all my trial exams on the last week of term cause I already had 3 of my 4 subjects so I managed to do my international studies on one of my study periods. Yay me cause I dont need to go back to school during hols then. =D

But on the sour note, that means I have to cramp for my trials and one sac all on the last week of term. NOT AWESOME!


I think its safe to say that year12 and vce has finally started. ;)


I have so much to update people on now, but its that time of the year where everyone's just busy and disappeared from cyberspace. So, oh well.


& oh, its Spring. =)

<3