Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Little Imperfections.



I downloaded a video which the accounting class next to my business class was watching that had no whatsoever relation to accounting and bugged zoe to show it to me during last period. But its too big to be uploaded, so someone needs to teach me how to put youtube videos here. Watch the first link, then the second. Its really cool & I want my wedding to be like that too. ;D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd79E6I5CV4


P.S. : if you're too lazy to click on it and you're thinking, "hmmm, wedding, must be girly stuff", think again and go watch. its only ONE click away ;)


<3>


Sunday, July 26, 2009

You can never say never.

Its been a full on first two weeks of the new term. Before I forget though, I'd like to blog about my birthday.

My family was here, which was not on purpose because it was my 18th birthday. It was quite a big coincidence that the dates they chose to come here coincided with my birthday. One thing about this year's birthday though, apart from the wishes and the gifts, it never once felt like it was my birthday, but thats okay. It has nothing to do with whatsoever, it just for some reason, didnt.


I think my bffs would kill me if they read this, but I think my best material present this year was getting an Ipod Nano. Zoe, Kate, TS and 5 other girls from China shared to get me one and I was completely stunned and touched. The thing is, I'm honestly not very close to the girls from China. And another thing is that I had told Zoe that I was saving up to get myself one at the end of the year. In the end, when Kate and her gave it to me, they were like "nah, go and use the money you saved to buy your leather jacket(cause I'm obsessed with getting one too =P)." I was so touched I almost teared. Mind you, dont start calling my friends rich cause the Ipod Nano here is cheaper in aussie dollars and even when u convert it into rm its still much cheaper. its about less than rm100 cheaper. But still, 8 people sharing the cost was still quite a bit of an amount to give a present to someone who isnt a close friend. Though, I'm beyond touched and thankful to them. =)


Birthday celebrations were quite simple this year. Except doing the legal thing. that was absolute FUN! ;) In fact, I actually got three bday cakes this year. I only actually cut one. haha I scooped one with a spoon, and the other was cut by my mum cos I didnt have time for a bday song and cut cake ceremony. And oh, I didnt blow out any candles, only a lighter. HAHA the first cake had no candles, second cake no time, third one was forgotten abt so we asked for a lighter and they gave us the gun kinda lighter one uses for the stove. Yes, I DO have such one of a kind happenings in my life eh. ;P LOL


courtesy of http://www.delectable.com.my





I think the parts I loved most about my birthday were the well wishers especially those who wished me personally and not facebook-ed the wish. haha not quite sure why it felt like what it felt, but it doesnt matter.

Now that my birthday is over and my family is trotting off back home, its time to face my books which I have very much been running away from. Sigh, its time for full on burying face in book.

P.S. : I need help asap with uni choices. =/
P.P.S. : I also realised in the two weeks that I've been back, I've not once slept in. In fact I never slept in during the holidays, I always woke up at 10am the earliest. It feels like a good thing yet it feels like a bad thing. haha

<3>

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

& sometimes, it is because we love enough, that we let go.

I think, I have found my answers. There's just one slight problem though, I will never find out if they are the true answers or if this is all just my assumptions. So all I can do is hope that they are. Cause not knowing would be a whole other different story altogether, and right now, I'm just happy to feed off my curiosity so it would perhaps never come back to bother me.


We couldnt have loved each other better.
And I hope you know that.
Because I do know.


Yes, I have found my way out, and I couldnt be more delighted with what I've found. There's like this stupid new energy in me. I think, that I've surpassed all odds. OKay, now you can give me back my emoness, this feels so weird. Heh, kidding. Laugh people, laugh. =D

Time to go and live this hectic last sem of high school thats gonna screw me upside down starting... Oh, tomorrow!

And sometimes, it is because we love enough, that we (are able to) let go.



P.S. : Battle of the unis have started again. HELP!
P.P.S. : I'm not emo okay! gee.

<3>

Friday, July 17, 2009

Eighteenth.

18 years ago, on this very day at the 11th hour & 10minutes in the morning, I was born, KelseyShaunaLokeSiewLing the youngest of two sisters and daughter of my mum and a dad who had hoped that I was a son after two failed attempts.

17 years ago, I took off on my first flight with my mum to visit my ailing grandfather & to witness my mum’s brother’s marriage in Canada.


A year old with my two and a half year older cousin and "chia gong".


16 years ago, I watched my sisters trot off to kindergarten, leaving me happily alone at home to play with all the other toys.

15 years ago, I celebrated my first birthday in a foreign land, my 3rd birthday and was also baptised in Canada.



A 3 year old me in Vancouver.

14 years ago, I joined Tiny Tots Kindergarten, prancing around in my yellow sundress.


13 years ago, I watched yet again as my two older sisters entered primary school and left me behind in kindergarten. I also begin taking ballet lessons & if I'm not wrong, started yamaha too.


12 years ago, I visited Australia for the first time and graduated kindergarten, performed an indian dance in a saree for my graduation but before doing so, walked down the aisle for my first and only time as a flower girl.

A 6 year old me as flower girl with Russell as the ringbearer. =D


11 years ago, I entered primary school and to the disbelief of my mum, obtained first in class. Needless to say, it was the only time.

10 years ago, much to my family's shock, I was no longer the youngest of the family and welcomed my miracle & unexpected brother, Jordan.


9 years ago, I became a prefect in year3, along with the rest of my bestfriends who were all prefects too. It was the last year with pts which I attempted but obviously failed. Oh well.

8 years ago, I watched one sister take on upsr while the other had her first step into high school. In school, I resigned as prefect and took on the post of librarian.

7 years ago, I transited into year5 where studies got a little more intense. I had my first cruise ship experience in Alaska during a trip to Canada which is the only time & place I've been to in the States. I resigned as librarian, and was appointed class representative but only because the teacher favoured me and I proved to be a lousy class rep. =P
Cruise ship at age 11 with 3 year old brother.

6 years ago, I sat for upsr and managed to somehow get straight As.

5 years ago, I took my first step into high school, SM Convent, a whole new environment with people I did not know. I was lucky because I was one of the music students and my sisters were apparently quite well known in school. It is thanks to being a music student that my early high school years were full of rebellious fun & I came out of my shell. (maybe one day I will tell why) I was appointed treasurer very much to my surprise, I was the new girl and I guess people wanted to make me feel welcomed so they put me up for class rep nomination and I got the post of treasurer. *shrugs*

4 years ago, was I guess you could say the beginning of hormones and puberty. I had my first boyfriend & first love. Both not the same mind you. I encountered my first ever almost life threatening incident when I got hurt by the glass shower door and had 18 stitches altogether. That incident however, is significant in itself because it marked the beginning of many many things which still lasts even to this day. (maybe one day too I will write about this, but in due time)

HM Amazing Race camp 2005, oh the memories.

3 years ago, I undertook pmr and obtained 4As for it. Well, I blame it on the fact that I knew I wasnt studying in msia anymore, but who knows. =P It was my last year in a Msian school and it isnt a year I remember much of, I'm not sure why.



Aged 15, class party.


2 years ago, I made a life changing choice to study in Victoria. One of the best choices I have made despite the many sacrifices. Studying here is a whole new experience and living here is simply almost like another world. It was the year of entering into senior high, first kiss, first 'prom', first taste of 'independence' & a big big first in studying everything in English.


Girls Boarding House 2007


A year ago, was a year of little epiphanies & wonders of being 17. I kicked away old habits and grew more into my very own self. It was a year of going around in two different circles and slight confusion. But still very much a year of becoming my very own person.

My 17th birthday a year ago.


Today, as of 11.10am, I turn the big 18. No one has but if you ask what my ultimate birthday present is, I really would not know the answer.


If you asked me if I saw myself in this position a year ago, I'd tell you, you gotta be joking!. I would never have thought I'd be who I am & where I'm at in life this day. I'd never imagine my life to be as of such. But far from being unsatisfied and displeased, I'm proud of this person I've grown to be. =)


I cant wait for my journey of life to further unfold & the challenges ahead awaiting my encounter, so all I wish for this birthday, is His guidance.


So I guess all thats left now, is;




ooi, Happy Birthday you!



Photograph notes: First few are taken on my wall with macro by my camera so its a bit sesat-ed. I'm sorry if you've seen this photos before, their all I have here so not my fault. You want the real thing, go find me when I'm back in Msia. ;)



P.S. : It doesnt feel like my birthday at all.

P.P.S. : Lots of Hugs & Kisses today would be great.

<3

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Under the grey dark skies I wait.


*click for bigger picture.


Who would've thought, ME of all people. I think this means I'm *fingers tightly crossed* on the way to getting half colours which is like top20 in academic in my year. =)


Now, lets just push on through the next 4 months and I vow to study like never before.


PLease remember the next time you see me that I made this vow. =D Yea I give anyone and everyone permission to stick this in my face for the next 4months.


<3>

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Dont forget.


Melbourne at 8something am. Wish I had taken the picture of the sunrise at 7, it was stunning from the highway.


The thing is, no matter how tired or weak I think I am, truth is I would still fight and go through all this if it meant one would be there in the end. But I cant keep running around in the same damn circles. Let it go.


At least for now and the next 4months.



P.S. : for once I thank God that the net was unusable last night or this would have been a really emo post no thanks to the fatigue.
<3>

Thursday, July 9, 2009

& it will Always be.

A year later and reading it still makes tears fall.

I wonder if the promise still applies & if one still remembers it. Hah!


Maybe there is something more behind this, after all everything happens for a reason. Perhaps one day I will tell the world my story, how this story has run around in circles for a long, long time and finally hit a wall. Although by that time no one would be bothered anymore. But for now, the truth will stay hidden with me.


It scares me sometimes how much can change within a year. Just one year. But at the same time, I'm only at the beginning of the prime time of my life. Change is everything we have to be prepared for at this point.


When I head back this time, it'll be four months of gruesome studying and mental challenges. My final days of high school are approaching and it feels rather sad. Technically, I've already had a year extra of high school but I just dont want to leave just yet. =/


Pssh.

You see the thing with this choice I made three years back, is that I will walk this path for a long period of time and also in doing so, my past will always be left behind here. It is not my choice to bring my past to my future even if I wanted to. The choice is up to those who are part of my past. Though like I've always said, I never regretted this road I took, in time it will force me to let go of everything I've had here to pursue whats ahead of me. But this is Life.

I'm turning 18 in a week's time. Unbelievable, really. I dont really know what to make of it. Give me the rest of the week to think about it and I'll get back to you. ;)


She turns around and takes one last look,
Memories & moments all flashing at a glance,
All gathered around like a circle,
Like hundreds of video clips all playing at the same time,
She holds her hand up and they all pause at once,
She holds each one in her palms,
Slowly placing them carefully into a wide chest,
Drawing out a little part in each,
The little parts shine with brightness,
As they wiggle their way into her heart,
She seals the chest,
She closes her heart,
With a deep breath,
She looks up into the open road,
Dried tears at the corners of her eyes,
Sides of her lips curled up in a glowing smile,
Knowing that the road is still long and winding,
And that everything,
Is going to be,
Okay.

Its time to walk the final remaining pages of my high school chapter. Wish me well. =)

<3

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

& sometimes you just got to know.

This is an attempt at a happy post. Shut up and read. =D

My mum called me in the afternoon to announce that I have good news and bad news. More like bad bad news for me, really. Apparently my good news was that the travel agent managed to get 20kgs extra for me with my student card, which is like, first class weight allowance! Cause normal ticket gets a 20kg + the extra 20kg = 40kgs. The bad news? It means I'm gonna be given almost 40kg worth of stuff to lug back with me this time. GAHHHHH

It would be nice if they upgraded my seat too. =)

I have never used up my extra 10kgs anyway. I'm a very light traveller. I should have taken a photo of my suitcase when I came back this time. It was only full of chips. Take them out and its only like 1/10 full.

I was gonna blog about one of my many fascinations with human behaviour but I shall leave it cause I have a feeling I will soon have to deal with more of this.

Just so you people know, I'm honestly doing pretty good right now. Though, if you dont believe me and you want to argue this with me, you can. ;)


Note: there will be one semi-emo post after this cause well, thats how my leaving posts are always like. Pssh, sorry. =)

P.S. : This blog entry sounds so different, even the author isnt really sure what to think of it. =P

<3>

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The End.

(I apologise beforehand for this post. I just need to let everything out right now. Give me one week the most and I promise no more after that)



& so it ends where it all began.



Remember 7 months ago, when you surprised me at the front of my house? I told you beforehand that the first thing I wanted to do when I got home was to hug you. And as much as I would have liked that to happen, the stupid newspaper man came to collect money just before you turned up to surprise me so instead of a happy movie-like embrace, I had to pay the newspaper man, turned around and almost ran into your arms. I forgot to thank you for waiting for me there instead of trotting into the house. =)

Right before you left, you pulled me into another embrace and thus marked the beginning of the beginning.

Seven months later, your at my doorstep again. One final lingering hug and you turned & walked away. I was right all along. & it signalled the end of the end.


Ironic isnt it, yet it began and ended with a hug.


There will always be a piece of my heart that will never come back to me, as much as I'd like it to. There are some things one will just never let go of, but thats okay.

I've been standing all alone at the end of this road for some time now and I've finally reached my point. One cannot move on until one completely lets go. I've reached the point of my life where I have to let go unwillingly of the very thing I worked so hard to keep intact.

Nature will take its course in due time and life will eventually open up new paths for me.

Letting go is never easy when done unwillingly but I'll do this my own way.

Just stay near, and dont run away.

I promise, you'll find me doing okay. =)

<3