Hanging by a Moment.

There are currently two things that are imminent & inevitable.



The first one breaks out into two options. One day, this thing in me will break loose. Its either I break in screams, shouts, and an endless voice of rage, or I break in silent tears running down my cheeks. Someday soon, if not today or tomorrow, but very soon. And I'd appreciate it if noone did anything to stop me because like I said, its imminent, and it'll do me a fat lot of good.

I have not cried in about two and a half months. Not bragging, boasting or trying to sound strong. Its just that the last time I did, I nearly cried myself to sleep and I do not ever want to get to that stage if I can help it. The key to avoiding depression and emo-ness is to surround yourself with people or even just talking to ppl via the net. It's my ultimate survival kit. ;)

The second one, is fall, failure & pain beyond imagination. I cannot elaborate, but whether it will happen once, twice or thrice, one of the three is imminent.

I woke up today heavy headed and so blur. The 4am disturbance that made me rush to the sink didnt help either. I can feel myself falling ill, despite my efforts at making sure I do not fall sick on this crucial year. Part of it is due to the fact that I pushed my limits last night and still continued playing although I could feel my throat getting sore from all that heavy breathing. yea, wth right. GAHHH. Must. Build. Stamina.

This better not be what I think it is. =S

Vic has 135 cases of swine flu as of this morning. There's this rumour going around that if we fly back to Melbourne, we'll have to be quarantined for one week. Even if we test negative. And no, trust me that would be beyond crap because the week I come back happens to be my birthday week. =(

This year seems to be the worst year since whenever. First the GFC, then this thing with Sri Lanka and Pakistan, then Swine flu, then N. Korea. Seeing that each phase occurs with such precision when I'm learning a topic in international studies, something is about to happen to Australia next, yea? Gee, international studies is making my head go right round.

On a totally non-related note, 3 more weeks till I set foot in Msian soil again. I. Want. Nothing. More. But. To. Escape.

So run away with me will you? =)


P.S. : random, random, RANDOM!!

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Sometimes all we need is to Smile and remember Why.

The rest of our lives is a long time and whether we know it or not, it's being shaped right now. We can choose to blame our circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or we can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world thats just the way it is, but for the most part we get what we give. What's worse, not getting what we wished for? Or getting it and finding out it's not enough? The rest of our lives is being shaped right now with the dreams we chase, the choices we make, and the person we decide to be. The rest of our lives is a long time, and the rest of our lives starts right now.

- One Tree Hill

P.S. : changed the header again. what do u think?

Note : the original quote had "you" and I changed it to "we" and "our".

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Staring out the train window.

One word. WOW!

Life is amazing. I wish I could say why, but knowing karma, once I do, it'll all end up going the total opposite of what I'm going through so we'll just wait. Karma's evil to me.

Its ironic though, I'd never have thought that on my very last year of high school, I'd be learning so much more about the world rather than the subjects I study. I should be hunched up in my room studying the days away with books. But the real lessons are learnt when we step outside our comfort zones, no? Its more than just interesting, its fascinating.

So much to absorb and take in, so much to think about.

I was experimenting with the new picasa and came up with this illusional picture. haha. Same sorta expression and even same bra strap. HAHA can u figure out which is which?

P.S. : this was gonna be a post on thoughts but I think I'll keep them to myself this time ;)

P.P.S. : What do u think of the new header? I tried like 20 times before I finally had the courage to put this one.haha I dont think it fits my quote well and my face is too much in the center of attention. LOL

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Wont you wait.

Storms come and pass
Sometimes on our moments of melancholy
Sometimes on our moments of bliss
They darken our days with anxiety
And cover every inch of the sun with grey clouds of doubt
They push through and block out the brightness
Heavily casting misery and gloominess
But if you look closer at the skies
There you will find a tiny hint of sun rays
Hidden by the sinister dark clouds
But peeping out of the murky shadows
A glimmer of hope
A shimmer of beauty
Wont you wait for that sunny sky
I assure you the storms will eventually pass us by
And when the sun radiates in vivid shine
Hence we will meet at the pause of time.

P.S. : Not as good as I'd imagine it to be.

P.P.S. : Used up my net quota so I may be a bit slack for time being.

Photograph Note: Picasa-ed to make the brighter bits more obvious.

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Underneath the Veil.

You want to know what's bothering me?
The part that I dont know anything.
The fact that I'm lost and I have lost.
Its gone from bad to worse.
I nearly let it out of my grasp when it all came flooding back into my head again.
It soothens but in time will it be enough?
Suppression is everything at this point,
Yet I cannot help it and sometimes pour out too much to people who arent even near but 4000 miles away, before I can stop myself.
I'd like to keep the optimism but the signs all lead to anywhere but there.
I'd like to think that really, nothing matters.
But not anymore, everything matters.
Cause the confusion is pushing me away,
Further into the dark.

Maybe I'm just tired, exhausted really.
Restless from the turning and tossing,
The perplexing night time stories that constantly fill my mind,
Never once stopping.
Unconciously on the edge of the cliff,
But prepared to dive at my own risk.

I know that soon I will give in to my inner conscience.
In the end, its always the same person I turn back to.
I shouldnt, but my trust lay within ever since that fateful period of time.

And I will fight my way through,
Even though it'll hurt.
Cause whats to fear when one has never experienced it before.
Sometimes, I just wish I knew.

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Bubbly.

Happy Birthday Bubbles! =)

Wish you were still my roommate.

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Subtle Warnings.

So apparently my muse is not just confined to the comforts of my blog but also of essay writing. HAHA hopefully it'll do me good. Cause my muse has actually disappeared over the weekend and left me unemotional and now the ending of my essay seems to be very blank and emotionless =/

I'm nearly at midterm. One sac end of this week, one sac week with maths next, another math sac week after, GAT and then one sac on the last week of term. I think the problem with me is that I lack the confidence in math, in fact I think I have zero confidence.

I just got asked to proof read a third year uni student's essay. =P bangga. And two top guys in maths who both take specialist math had to ask me for help on a question I pretty much breezed through. LOL double bangga. XD I think God is messing with my head. This, like never happens.

Since when did the first half of the year have so many birthdays? AHHH! Remind me again why I bother to think I can save for use on myself when reality is that I can never. =/

I honestly dont really know how I end up confiding in people that I have not exactly met before.

On another note, there was something wrong with the guys today. "hey pretty girl" and "whats up babe" never fit with me okay. Brave much. =P Oh and a guy half stripped in maths class too. Mmm =P

Author's note : there's def something wrong with me.

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Let's spend tonight on top of the World.

Click on respective photos to view website & trailer.

Transformers is out on 24th June in Msia =D I cannot wait!! was literally holding my breath with eyes open wide when I watched the trailer. Best. Movie. Ever.

And look at the Harry Potter poster, coming out on my birthday! But its not really the case since its coming out one day earlier here in Aus. Draco Malfoy looks so much more handsome and Harry Potter looks so weak. I still do not like Ginny Weasley, she looks so emotionless in the trailer.

On the other hand, I still have not watched sooo many movies and I want to watch star trek. =(

Recession or not, the movies coming out this year are a must watch without a doubt. =P

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What the World does not See.

I lay wake, digging into my past.
The memories afar, hazy with bits of dust, but still memorable.
And as I slowly entered the blurrer parts, it became evident to me that I never did see it as that.
What everyone else sees, I never quite saw.
My first impression was never as such.
Sure, I was the girl sitting in the very front, perched at the end of the table.
But as far as my memory goes,
My eyes were always beckoning to the very back of the room, seated directly across whenever I turned my head to the left.
The book, the pictures, the captions.
Why did I not remember this before?
And yet, that was not the reason for my search.
I do not know why I never judged it as such, I dont know.
Is it because I am always yearning to look behind the many masks, to seek upon which is hidden, to extract what lies longing to be found, despite knowing the cost?
Like the sudden sound of thunder on a sunny day, it caught me off guard.
The strength I possess and the diligence I have, will one day surpass me to the point that I will break.
But after so long, I'm not giving up till the very last second.
And if the tide ebbs before the hurt fish can follow back,
Then that will be time.
Like the Melbourne rain that eventually drizzles after a long wait,
My heart will always return,
No matter what.

P.S. : Not actually an attempt at poetry.

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Fading Stars.

And sometimes people leave to make space for others to step into our lives. But its how we hold on to those who have left that makes everything different.

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