The End of the Beginning.

So, I dont owe anyone any explanations. Neither am I obliged to tell anyone what happened. But I hate it when people make assumptions, not that I care about what ppl would like to think but I'd like to clear out a few things out of free will. Also, from what I gather, not many ppl who read my blog actually know much anyway so this is the one & only time you'd actually get anything out of me for public viewing. Keep in mind that this is my side of the story & I still withhold much of the truth.


I am not hurt, heartbroken or in any kind of pain. Melancholy has seeped its own way into me but at the same time, this feels so right that I am happy too. There's just something about this that feels good.


Noone's the good or bad guy here. Change happens all the time. It is inevitable. If you ask what happened? I'd say that Life happened.


You know it was worth the trip when you look back at everything, each memory & each moment, and all you do is smile. No regret, no pain, no anger, no frustration. Sad smiles for what was that never can be again but sweet, blissful smiles for everything that was. I always knew it would be worth it no matter what.


There's still so much to say, but blogging it out here just isnt the deal. I need to talk, to let everything out before it just explodes. But I'm fine, really. =)

There are things you just know, and things that you just dont.

Four years is an exceptional long time, and I'd be lying if I said it'll be easy. Being home makes it incredibly tougher but there are things I need to do before I can fully let go and move on.

What's meant to be will always find its way in the end. I believe that.

So here's to the final scraps of the end of a beginning.


P.S. : I'm not in self-denial, thank you.
P.P.S. : Now, where are my dear shrinks?!

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Epilogue.

We began with once upon a time,
Where there was just me and there was you,
I gave you my heart,
And you gave me yours,
Our own love story,
Me & you; Us.

Love,
Thats all it was,
Where the world faded,
And even time itself stopped to watch,

Two individuals,

Two separate paths,

Crossing for a second time,

There was nothing else so fine.

Fingers gently intertwined,
Arms tightly placed around,
A deep embrace,
A loving kiss,
Indeed it was,
Love.

But it was not meant to be,
This sweet love story.

With small smiles,
We retreat back to our opened doors,

To walk our separate paths,
Conjuring up each memory and leaving it in a chest,
Forever locked in our hearts,
Forever sealed in our souls,
A place where only we would know,
A time we shared in pure bliss,
Captured and kept in the moment,
Only for us to know.

Even after everything we've been through,
Even if our story lacks a happy ending,
Maybe this is our happily ever after,

And maybe this is our very own fairytale.
Goodbye my love,
Goodbye. ♥

=)

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Above the clouds I wait.

Sunset above the clouds.

I'm home. =)

But I feel like I'm an illusion of my own. Like everything around me is in my imagination. I dont know why I feel this way. I feel so empty, numb, weak, and in disbelief. My mind seems to be awaiting something and I still cant believe I'm home so fast. It all feels unreal. Time, ahh time... I have so much to say to you.

I need a hug. And a ear. And perhaps a shoulder too.

Mrs. Wardle's (english teacher) farewell.

Another semester gone in the blink of an eye, more people leave. I had a lot on my mind to say about this little German friend but words have surpassed me. Farewell Bubbles, thanks for being the greatest roommate and an awesome friend. I have so much to tell you but my mind went blank when I said goodbye. Till we meet again. Ich Liebe Dich =)

Time, just stay with me will you.

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Meet me where the sun meets the horizon & I'll find a way back in.

Breathe Kelsey, Breathe.

Its highly ironic, why little things are coming back to memory only now, when I'm almost there. Strange, how they come during the times when I am least thinking about him. But better late than never.

Things are happening in such a rush, with such exhilaration, its almost pleasing to the heart. But there's a catch, like always; this time I'm at the utmost frontline. And also this time, I may have to put aside what I genuinely feel and believe to fight for them. Hypocritical? I think that all of us are, in one way or another. We just dont realise it.

So, I dont know what will happen in the next coming days or weeks, even. But one thing's clear, I know how I feel, I know what my heart says, I know my hipocrisy is at its worst level, but this is a risk I want to take.

& yes Kelsey, just do me a favour, and Breathe.

P.S. : Gonna be a bit busy so this may be my last post till I get home, which is in 5days.

P.P.S. : Pray for me that I dont get swine flu, I'm not kidding. Its said to infect one in three now, and I dont want to spend my holidays in quarantine. =S

P.P.P.S. : Not everything I wrote is linked. lol sorryyy

P.P.P.P.S. : Just read this and I find it amusing because I am one of those students. HAHA

Photograph note : My full name is blurred out for privacy reasons. Photos have none whatsoever relation to what I'm ranting about.

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Walk this path with me & I promise I'll hold your hand.

Its funny how emotions can get you feeling all screwed up,
And when you take a step back and rewind a little,
You remember what brought you here in the first place.
Feelings can mess you up,
Slap you left right,
Throw you up down,
Put you through hell,
And most of all, question your choices and why you even gave a ****.
Most of the time,
It succeeds and pulls you right down,
Making you fall into a hole you dug out yourself.
But you see, here's the thing,
Don’t just give up like that,
You've got to fight,
With all the strength you have,
Fight for what makes you happy,
Fight for what keeps your heart smiling,
Fight for what makes life worth living,
And sometimes you've just gotta screw reality,
Cause THIS is reality.
And if you already know its worth it,
No matter what happens next,
Thats all you need;
I know its all I need.

P.S. : I know the statements are very cliche. lol

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Its not about letting go, its about holding on to what keeps our hearts Smiling.

No midyears for me except the only exam everyone needs to take that has no possible way of studying. =) On the other hand, classes are gonna be very deserted & hallways will be so quiet you wouldnt know what hit us. lol. Best of Luck to all you peeps taking vce midyears ;)

P.S. : 2009 mtv movie awards is HILARIOUS! & wth did twilight win so many awards? thats such crap.
P.P.S. : MelbourneU commerce enter just went up to 92. No matter what I get, I'm def not choosing MelbU anymore.

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Sit with me & I'll show you the world through My eyes.

Warning : One of those kelsey is so emo posts again.

My eyes,
They water,
For a slight minute,
But then the monster inside me pulls it all back and my eyes are dry again.

The questions are all directed at Me,
At first I could answer,
But now?
Every question is like another blow to my heart.

Did I realise then, when I chose my path, I was also choosing paths for others?
Did I realise, in choosing my path, I blocked out a whole lot of others?
I do now.
Yet not once did I ponder on what could have been if I had chosen to block out this path,
Not Once.

I'm so terrified of the truth,
Its slowly eating me inside.

And i'm hanging unto every word you said,
Call me foolish,
But its the only way.

Truth be told,
I'm tired of telling Them,
Despite what the truth may be,
I just want to be in your arms again,
Even if for the last time,
Cause when I am,
Its the best feeling in the world.

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To the girl who makes me laugh. ♥

Happy Sweet 16th Kristy!!! ♥

When I first met you, you were 13, and now, gosh its hard to believe you're still only 16! How much you have changed since I first met you.

I still remember how the both of us were the ones who always fought due to our 'conflicting personalities' LOL well, much has changed, hasnt it. I dont think you know, but you are the reason why I stopped being who I was(which is a good thing). Remember how you wrote me a letter after that big fight we all had? When I read it, it hit me hard and I knew I had to do something to change that. Look where we are today.

There are still things that we dont necessarily agree on of course, but we've come far after three years of friendship. Your craziness has impacted me on such a big way that it has flowed into my system! You are surely one of a kind my dear.

Thank you for being there for me throughout this year and I'm glad I wont be leaving you behind next year since you're sort of coming with me. ;) Hope your birthday turns out awesomely awesome!

Loving you long long time babe. =)

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Sit with me and let us watch nature take its course.

You know how we happen to be walking or reading or looking and something catches our eye that interests us or stirs up a liking in us, and we feel this passion and determination to pursue that interest at all cause. Then give it a day later or maybe hours later and we sit on our bums thinking, "gee, cant be bothered", think of a hundred excuses and retreat back to our own little comfort zones.


Yup, definitely always there.


I have so many dreams to chase after. Many are being swept aside in procrastination with the excuse, "I'll do it next year when im in uni and am much more flexible & free". I attribute the excuse that I happen to live in a boarding house for the rest of my school life here to many of the pauses and halts in chasing after my dreams, passions & goals. But truth be told, if I work on it, I could start now with baby steps and then take flight next year. Sure, we dont all have the privileges and easy ways out with life, but if we really want something so very badly, we'd take anything to attain it, no?

My hidden dreams, passions & goals would probably surprise people. There is one that is done just for the fact that I know I can attain it with my very best even if I dont need it. There's another that seems to grow more seemingly impossible by day. And there's one that I'd give almost anything to achieve. But I'm not the only one out there. I may be in my own shoes, but I'm pretty sure there are many out there with similar shoes.


And as impossible as our dreams, passions & goals seem to be, what is life if we do not grab hold of time to make this journey worthwhile?


I M Possible. ;)

The energetic, hyper, random, couldnt care less side of me is bursting to get out there and just live, so I think, that its time to do just that.

What about you?

P.S. : Contrary to what my blog posts suggests, I am actually not constantly emo. I am in fact the exact opposite of it and am constantly in a jolly hyper mood. It is just that I pour out my emo-ness on my blog, thus that is what you get. Let me know if you want me to tone down on it. But I dont think I'd listen. =P

Photograph Note: the first one was taken like 6 weeks ago on a moving bus with my phone which explains the blur photo but oh gosh the sunset was PRETTY. The second one was taken in the last week of the first term. heh I apologise for lack of updated photos to go with what I blog about because I have slacked.

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& no one needs to know, no one especially you.

I closed my eyes and welcomed the blank black space, knowing it would be occupied soon. Like each and every other night, I turned back the clock in my head and rewound time, the action done so frequently that it was almost a routine, only instead of becoming more simply obvious, it was distantly fading and blurring out. Out of the blue, the memories I had conjoured up disappeared with a poof and I found myself alone watching a series of events folding out like a movie. It played out clearly like a Harry Potter movie, and although there were others at a distance, I could sense no one else near. Just as I realised the movie had come to an end and I was now on higher ground looking down, it disappeared just as sudden as it had began.

There was nothing but darkness and suddenly, the scene played out again, exactly like it had awhile ago. Only, I was not alone this time. At first, I could make out three others when suddenly I felt a movement behind me and turned to see you. The scenes played out just as they had only this time, I realised that we were on some sort of stimulation ride that unfolded with Harry Potter-like events. The end of the ride brought us on top of a hill and I had to climb up a step. You turned to offer help but I had already propped my arm on another guy's shoulder to get myself up. The phoenix crashed the chains with all its might and the ride came to an end.

We hovered over a familiar counter, talking in lazy conversation. The girl stood opposite us to my left, tapping her foot in impatience with the other two who had gone. You were standing on my right, head bowed over a white book, hands resting on the low table. Quietly, I linked my right arm into the open space and gently placed my hand in yours. As we interlaced our fingers, for the first time in such a long time, you turned to stand up straight and looked warmly into my eyes, allowing me to catch sight of your handsome face. I stood there with my hand in yours, stunned by this sudden chance.

And then I blinked.

And it was dark again.

I reached out to grab my nearest comfort, hugging it to my chest so tightly, I could have strangled it.

I shut my eyes, curling up into a ball and somewhere inside, I heard a cry.



P.S. : still sick but recovering.


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